My oldest two are gone for six weeks. Their bio-mom has become stable and it is time for them to visit. It’s hard for me to be really honest. I have very mixed feelings on the whole thing. She is stable so I have to let them go. Legally I could say that she had to wait for summer, give me at least thirty days notice, and all the other stuff required in the mound of paperwork generated by our divorce but that would not be doing right by the kids. I am sort of numb, they about three hours ago, and can’t decide if I am depressed about the whole thing or not. The lovely Mrs. Vicious is dealing with it easier, and by easier I mean she knows how she feels about it, I envy her that.

So I am sitting here sort of in this emotional void thinking about all the things I put off for a few more days. All the times I could have shot the BB gun with Aoghdan but was tired and so on. This is some sort of wake up call for me. I have six weeks to order my life in such a manner that I spend the right time with them when they get back. I have been making lots of changes in my life as of late and I think I can accomplish this without too much trouble. I am sad to some degree but I also know they will be back and I will get to make up the problems that aren’t evident in day to day life. I have four other bright eyed children on which to practice my time management skills.

We can call them every day. We can send letters. They have cards on which to write us and stamped and addressed envelopes. I don’t know how I will get through the six weeks. It seems like an eternity already.

This is yet another in the long string of reasons divorce is a horrible thing. The kids are split between two families. Before this it hadn’t come up. Their mom has never been stable enough to take them for any length of time. They have spent time with their great-grandmother and grandmother but it was always three or four days and it never seemed like they were split between two families. I don’t see how she can be part of their lives. I don’t see how it is fair to them. Six weeks a year is not enough to be a mother. I don’t hate her anymore and in fact she and I are fairly friendly but I don’t see how this is healthy for the kids at all. We will see when they get back how things work out. I will never stop them from seeing her but I don’t know how good it will be for them psychologically. I will just have to pray and keep the faith that all things work out for the good of those that love the Lord.

I have to go do yardwork and try not to slip into some weird manic state.